Top 10 Demetri Martin

Everyone has something they think is funny. I think that Demetri Martin is hilarious. He's probably the smartest comic I have ever seen. Here are my top 10 favorite quotes of his.

10.) If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged I'd start calling out letters.

9.) I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies, now I'm good at everything.

8.) I like video games, but they're really violent. I want to make a video game where you have to help all the people shot in all the other video games. It would be called "Really Busy Hospital"

7.) The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

6.) Some jokes are short and elegant. Like a mathematical proof, of a midget in a ballgown.

5.) The best time to add insult to injury is when your signing someone's cast.

4.) Saying "I'm sorry" is the same as saying "I apologize", except at a funeral.

3.) I want to make a puzzle thats 40,000 pieces, and when you finish it says, "Go Outside"

2.) When you have a fat friend there is no such thing as a seesaw, only a catapult.

1.) "Sort of" is such a harmless thing to say. Sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like after "I love you" or "Your going to live" or "Its a boy"